just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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