xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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