I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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