If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
