If i come over, it means nothing
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
