I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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