Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize