i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
