I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
