thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
