is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
