Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
