How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
