The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
