Who did Billy Mays play for?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize