the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
