I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
