How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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