happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
only if we run a train.
done.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
