omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When did angry sex become our thing?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
