I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
