OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
