toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
