He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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