some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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