So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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