Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
