Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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