I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
