Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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