I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
