Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
