Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
