Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize