Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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