What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
