i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
