hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
