I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
