i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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