party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
