I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
