Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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