if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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