i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize