I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
