You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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