The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
