I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
