I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
