so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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