Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
