i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
