ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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