Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
