You can't motorboat a personality
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
