The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
