And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job heβs been fantasizing about since last century and heβll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
