I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
