You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize