My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
