It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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