ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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