Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You've changed since you got that strap on
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
