When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
