Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize