So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
