My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We are two peas in an std pod
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
