please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
