Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
