So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
