last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
