I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
