You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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