Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
