Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
