I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
