I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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