forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
