guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
