you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
