It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
