We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
