Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
