there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
