I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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