Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
