i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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