ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
