Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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