somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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